Where Am I?

Hello from a Bougie Bougie Airport Lounge in Brussels

Ironic, considering this entry.

Lately, I've been really grumpy. I've been blaming 3I/ATLAS and a moon transiting Aquarius for my repeating patterns of Work. Couch. Beach. Repeat.

It has become difficult to find a mindset to go happy-hour hopping. The mundanity of the same 4 questions when meeting anyone new sets me ablaze. I'm just not that into you.

Is this what maturity feels like? Self-peace? Confidence?

I feel like a retired nine-time champion footballer who spent a career with a medal winning playbook [The Fine Art of Small Talk, by Debbie Fine], running mindset plays and using people strategies for a variety of teams. Changing courses accordingly. Reviewing game footage. Training.

October 2025: The Game of Life has become flat, monotonous. All strategies seem the same.

I've played all these tournaments. I don't want another game jersey.

What have I gotten myself into now? I can't be asked yet I also can't be asked.

I have been thinking of myself in 2017. A "Year of Yes To [almost] Everything". In that cute little Rigg Street Estate, with that cute puppy, I was really confused. I lived with deep wondering about unsolved mysteries. Constantly worried about my self-value. Navigating giant misgivings of my self-placement.

But I was brave. I set out to live in this world where truth and trust are either dead or dying. I really did fall for anything. Accepted everything with the same promise I would give. Hopefully open to anything and anyone. Lived with no boundaries.

Exhausting, when I see it from 2025.

Next to a stack of unused Euro notes, I found an old 5x7 card in a wallet, with comments I wrote as my findings in that year of almost yes.

I laughed through tear-filled eyes as OMG DO I HAVE some stories that really need to be in a book. Some comments have become part of my daily mindset:

_Don't bring sand to the beach.

_Cell service often sucks.

_When you get to the market, don't be fooled by the aubergine.

_If you can endure 90 seconds, you can endure.

November is coming and I am concerned that my living to unravel mysteries, understand misgivings, and find better cell service, have led me a point where I am too cynical for incoming 2026.

Impenetrable. Socially impatient. Routinely Fed-Up with the system.

"What are we doing. I should have eaten at home. Why is it so loud in here. It is 10pm, I am not interested in leaving the couch for a drink. Please stop touching my backside while we talk."

Offer me something better or that fits into into my system of understandings and maybe, just maybe, I'll agree.

Life like the little old lady that lives alone [in a shoe] by the sea but walks to the market daily to get her vittles and maybe some chocolates.

I had no idea that a year of saying yes to [almost] everything would find me on the other avenue of confidence.

But last weekend, at a popular Doha venue aptly named for a Celtic Clover, I literally could not.

A drink accidentally spilled down my leg and into my favorite pair of ballet flats by a woman who represented everything I had to learn years ago, set me ablaze. I quit 2025 there and then.

This. I. No. Longer. Want. To. Play.

My sister regularly reassures me that it's ok to not want the same things you wanted years ago. Now, quiet. Peace. Authenticity. Refined poise. Tact.

But my quiet frustration has made me restless. Un-still. Hurting from small, limited conversations. Yearning for, yet tired from, a long game strategy.

I recommend the book, "What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding". While the ending is authentic ... but questionable... I  think it gives Single Girls in their upper 40s a good representation a decent set of guidelines for this next level Game of Life.

I am working slowly to re-read the playbook. Taking my time to understand the why. That old lady who lives alone by the sea but still says hello to people along the way to the market. Take more elevator selfie. Live with less-as-more.

Agenda for 2026: Balance. Depth among the shallows. "I really can't be asked for this, but for sure, let's" - authenticity.

Whatever planes will depart for 2026, I have be on them to revive my truths and trusts about the world. Find the exercises to balance confidence and curiosity and make some new wishes. The lounges are a good place to start.

I wish you the same for your incoming 2026.

Sláinte.