Making a Life By The Sea
Time to travel.
Kissed the beach farewell for now.
Shed some tears.
I'm ready for a few American weeks.
I think we agree this academic year was personally and professionally challenging.
Remember Aladdin? He vaporized into lamp smoke and I'm much better without that lamp.
Every 3 weeks a government school policy changed, requiring revision of a plan we hadn't quite finished previously revising. Repetitive revision became emotionally and work-ethically exhausting.
I found myself in a place (circa 2009/people suck) where defining personal boundaries isolated me from familiar ground... yet made me feel so free.
So completely free.
My Specialists Team proudly navigated rotating school landscapes and lesson planning was to recoup "normal learning experiences". I realized in October that we lost "school" as we knew it through no fault of our own. It was taken from us with little warning and we were spending every effort to regain what we were most missing... face-to-face time with students.
It was a scary but immediate connection to my own life.
Was everything I was doing simply to get back what seemed to be taken from me through no fault of my own?
Was all of <insert something> only a means to regain "the lost"?
For what was I compensating by doing <insert something>?
November, I started examining patterns and decisions by seeking their purpose.
December, I completed my TEFL Certification to expand my international teaching resume.
A final “application" project asked me to describe myself.
I blurted out, “tenacious, courageous, self-starter, isn't afraid to fail".
Curious.
I made a New Year's Eve promise to stop trying to control what was lost and to honor the description of myself.
My physical health and courage would take precedence.
2021:
Dry January
February, Muay Thai
March, Bonjour Morocco and Ras al Hanout.
I met him at a beach, shy hellos, stolen glances.
Two weeks later, ironically same beach, hello, a name.
Two weeks later, curiously same beach, flirting, phone number exchange on a chopsticks wrapper because my courage returned with the help of some seriously amazing women I adore.
No fear of failure. Taking myself more seriously. Releasing control.
I was sure he'd lose my number though.
Nope.
He texted two hours later.
Me: OMG HE TEXTED ME, what do I do now?
The Girls: ... reply to his message?
A pizza date and a chance to see our Doha from an envious viewpoint.
April, sharing Ramadan and creative meet-up methods in lockdown.
May, June... A dance in the kitchen which stole my feet out from under me, tajine dinners, spices, tea and conversations to sunrise, more dancing, plants, fun friends, family recipes, the beach...
Insha'Allah even more of it all as time goes on.
Changes in academic life were easy to manage with organization, motivation, differentiation, reflection, and deconstruction... which I recognize are methods of control.
Social Life has been easy as a tenacious, courageous, self-starter who isn't afraid to fail.
Elle Woods says, "what, like it's hard?"
Yeah, Elle, it is.
But courage will guide you.
The farther you travel the further you go, and sometimes that's away from people and ideas too.
You can stand on your head and you still won't be good enough for some.
And if (1) maintaining boundaries and dignities, (2) semi-sobering up with some authentic friends, (3) +/- 156 chocolate chip cookies, (4) having a personal trainer and friend who will kick YOUR ass and you're not even his client, and (5) Morocco all happened because I was systematically honoring God's Grace to have the ability to sit at a table for one, then so be it.
I did turn 42 this year, the answer to the universe.
"Don't put yourself in situations you can't be sober for." ~ Mark Groves
Wishing you peace always.
Be kind, faithful, and strong. Be the one who stands up when others are in need.
Take care of yourself and those around you.
I'll see you soon with more great stories you’ll love.
Sláinte.
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