Part 2: She believed she could, but she fell asleep (on the beach) and therefore did not.
I still wonder how many of you thought this was where I was moving when I said a year ago I was coming here. This is my "traditional desert photo" in Qatar.
Part 2 :
Welcome back!
In Part One, I described my eye-opening trip to the UAE and how I have started to relax after one full calendar year being on-the-move and about a decade of being stressed out. To catch you up: somewhere on a bridge over Oud Metha road in Dubai without a phone network, I let out a large Katniss Everdeen Roar and on a Marina bench in the UAE I let out a giant sob. I then snapped back together Casey-style and got back to moving.
Back in my beloved Doha, I still feel relaxed. I am so relaxed these days I’m sleeping more than 4 hours a night. I’ve quit over thinking stuff. (I can hear my dad laughing at this statement now.) Life is clearer and easier. If I may make a religious point here, while I have said the words for years about allowing myself to follow the path God intends and take it as it comes, I believe I wasn’t actually really following that statement. I was keeping busy doing so many things, subconsciously trying to control the direction of the road. What I see looking back on the last 6-8-10-12 years is that God gave me what I needed when I needed it. He consistently provides the “other exact thing” I ask for rather than the thing I think I need, and He’s really got this… He’s driving… so if I just trust in Him, I can simply sit back and let it all happen. I fully understand and accept the lesson of being open to receive what I really need rather than what I think I should have.
Spoiler Alert: Hunger Games Reference
I remember at the end of the book series, Katniss said she came to realize that “What I need to survive isn’t the fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring, the bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad or losses, it can be good again.”
Desert Campfire : Near Sealine Beach Area
I no longer find stress, rage, or tension in any wellness dimension. Oh, I crave the fight and fire and heat and look for the tingle on the back of my neck in a situation or two, and I do seek the fire inside of life that is so alive and bursting with fervor and love and hope and opportunity, but as with Katniss, it comes through the dandelion, the kindness, the goodness in others, and other situations. I will always crave excitement and passion, but now I am in a seek this - not that situation. Speaking of needing heat, life again moved forward on a frigid, slightly overcast, oceanfront night, snuggled up around a campfire, making s’mores with some pretty fab international friends named Hilarious Jags, Optimistic Kim, and my workout buddy Mark, and more friends than I anticipated to join me later that evening in the story. It was the place that provided opportunity number two for recognizing how much I have changed in the past year by relaxing into life, rather than forcing life to happen.
Phrase 2 at explaining how relaxed I am:
Mustarih: (Arabic) She was relaxed.
Desert Camping… significantly different than the day trip I had in January to those big desert rocks. Equally as fabulous.
"What you seek is seeking you." ~ Rumi
The Hilarious Jags found a pretty good deal on an overnight safari camping experience with standard desert trip amenities (and an actual bathroom, remember my big ponder before passing on a Camel Milk Smoothie?). We were to receive a Dune Bashing session in a Land Cruiser, sight-seeing to the Inland Sea Border at Saudi Arabia (I waved and pointed like a 5 year old at a candy shoppe, it was huge deal to my 11th grade self to be there), Sand Dune Photo Ops that would rival any Conde Nast magazine, BBQ dinner and personal s’mores, Majlis (bedouin tents), Camel Rides, Shisha (still nauseous from the bean bag shisha time at JBR The Walk in Dubai), beach chairs for sitting at (or sleeping at) the waterfront, extra sleeping bags in tents, and some pretty amazing breakfast omelets. Optimistic Kim was totally in for it, and we grabbed our 4th, Mark (with his intuitive knowledge, even negotiated an even better deal than advertised) and booked the trip.
I sat middle-seat in the back of the Land Cruiser. The middle seat had a shoulder belt – which was a good idea for everyone in this story – because once they deflated the tire pressure and we started up/over/down/around/back on the sand, if I didn’t have that shoulder belt to grasp like Jane swinging from a vine, I don’t know if I’d have been as relaxed…. because bump after bump, dune cliff after dune cliff, the wind blowing stacked grains of sand into gorgeous but terrorizingly sheared off dune peaks, we headed down some of these dunes sideways. Everyone in the car holding on for dear life and me with a small, terrified giggle, and a petite sounding “no” when we would begin the next daredevil minutes of the trip.
One of these magical Qatari 85-degree incline drop off sand dunes, and I'm really curious about the side and overhead air bag deployment of a Land Cruiser.
Sitting in the back-center seat of a Toyota Land Cruiser clutching a cross body seat belt for dear life while dune bashing near the Saudi Arabia Border was a good place to realize how much I have given up trying to control things. No matter how hard I held onto that belt, the Cruiser was or wasn’t going to belly roll sideways down the side of an 85-degree incline drop off sand dune. I wasn’t driving the Cruiser, so it wasn’t up to me what happened. It was up to “the guy driving this thing”. No amount of worry would change the outcome, so quit worrying. No amount of thinking would make the Land Cruiser roll or not roll, so quit overthinking it. Therefore, with a small, terrified giggle, and a petite sounding “no”, off I went with Jags, Kim, and Mark, bashing into the Desert on a breezy, cool, and not-traditional desert weather day! (Why do things the traditional way! My friend Essam comment on the traditional thing is, ‘That’s so boring me’.) The only thing I could control was my response, and that is exactly how my life has turned out.
When we arrived alive at the Saudi border, I untangled and unwound myself from the web of seatbelt strap I had inadvertently made trying not to die. When I stepped onto the sand at the border area, I couldn’t breathe from the excitement of arriving in another “cannot believe this is happening” experience. My friends, Saudi Arabia is beautiful… across the waterway from Qatar, set against the periwinkle sky, the sand there a pinkish hue in the distance, the water reflecting the hazy sky. Rock formations just like the ones I saw in January in Zekreet, Qatar. But this was another country, a whole new world (Sorry Aladdin). Beginning to understand where Scheherzade got her 1,001 stories, I stood there like a kid saying THIS IS A REAL THING. The Land Cruiser driver took a most perfect photo of the 4 of us at the top of the sand dune and it will become one of my favorite treasured pictures. Mark, having hidden his photo talents from us until now, also took some really great photos of us reveling around the top of these dunes like 5-year-olds in a candy shoppe, looking at every single piece of candy you could never believe you’d really see in one place, open and available, and yours. All yours. Ours. All Ours.
THAT THING OVER THERE IS SAUDI ARABIA. IT. JUST.
WOW.
REAL THING, YOU GUYS. LOOK AT IT. THERE, CHILLIN.
The waterway is the border.
The mountain land in the distance is Saudi Arabia!
Scheherezade, I get you now.
When we reached the campsite, I swore I heard a voice I recognized, and as I’m coming to realize, I’m always going to run into someone I know here... or this time, a dozen someone from work having their own group beach party at the campsite, on a quiet February evening. So much for my quiet hours by a desert campfire away from work. But Qatar is big enough for all of us and the rest of the time was good together. We had a nice time sharing a campfire. Enjoying the company of Jags, Kim, and Mark with some really good conversation, made me realize how fortunate I am to be here in Qatar, even with the extra loud dozen someone, and all the opportunities this experience has provided me.
As we moved away from the boisterous work-party to reservedly toast s’mores over a small grill, lit by pallet pieces from the larger, loudly occupied campfire, I realized that I’m a pretty lucky girl to have envisioned this entire experience a year ago and brought it to light. I am pretty lucky to have such a fun social circle, sitting in a Majlis (Bedouin Tent) discussing worldly world things and laughing into the wee hours of the night. I’ve come to appreciate Mark as more than just my held-accountable-workout-neighbor-buddy – I think I would admit he is one of my 3 best people here, someone I can tell anything to and he won’t judge me or criticize me. I think having a close connection with someone is an important aspect of ExPat life as you've gotta have a network of people who have walked your walk and done your things to help you keep walking and doing. He will laugh a bit at me and ask why I think this way, helping me talk through my own thoughts and in exchange, he offers his own unique perspective on the world and his stories. He’s not afraid to say “Again, Again” when I start rambling. Again, I see how Scheherazde found her 1,001 stories. He asked me two really great questions that got me thinking and helped me solve another piece of the me puzzle. Yoga People are the best people to keep around for a desert beach day.
So, nearly freezing to death bundled up in separate sleeping bags on these two separate beach chairs at the waterfront, listening to the change in wave patterns through the night, Mark and I continued our daily chat about life and dreams and not giving up on hope or ourselves, slowly drifting off to sleep between conversation ideas. We were awake in time to see the morning planets, the stars, and the sunrise, and 6:30am brought the four of us (and some surviving stragglers from that campfire sharing bender of a work party) to a little propane burner stove and desert style omelets with lots of hot tea. My toes were frozen, as it was only in the mid 50’s Fahrenheit overnight and I’m surprised Mark and I didn’t wind up with pneumonia from the whole experience, but hey, to sleep on the beach was always a dream of mine too. We had a quiet ride back to Doha at 7:30am in the Land Cruiser, no dune bashing on the return trip, we drove on the waterline back to the main road and when we arrived I had some hot tea with Jags and Kim, as Mark had to depart for work. Girl chat was authentic and worldly because these girls are as authentic and worldly as anyone I’ve ever met. Smart, fun, jet-setting, adventurous, and simply nice. It was good to sit and exist that overnight with these friends. I said at the beginning God sends me the exact thing I need when I need it, and a Jags, a Kim, and a Mark are the exact things I need.
I'm so frozen in this photo, wearing three layers of clothes and socks, but the beach bed and sunrise were totally worth it.
I am so relaxed these months in Qatar. I don’t feel muscle aches anymore. Nothing hurts or pinches. I cannot remember the last time I took a Tylenol or Advil. On the car ride back from the Sealine area, I realized that I do not feel anything tense up from stress each day. There is stress here for sure, but it is different, manageable, and I am so fortunate/lucky/grateful/blessed to work for a school system and with staff who recognize the various dimensions of staff, student, and family wellness (Part 3 of this series). Not-being-well affects your total perspective on the world, not just your job. I don’t have the arm aches, headaches, back aches, or leg tension... from what I now realize was my subconscious bracing myself to get through a day.
Good morning, I'm ready for what you'll send me today.
My body is settling away from some pretty serious stressful situations these last 10 years. I don’t want kudos or credit for having managed through it, I tell my stories like Scheherazade, comical, wise, and witty, perusing the ways of the world and the people in it. I just want to help you along the way too. $hit gets real, and life is not always kind. Your ability to not lose hope, find 2-5-10 seconds of courage, and say hello to a situation you really really want, is going to be the thing to save you and only you can make the first step. My Mom says, “Life is about choices, so make sure you’re making the right ones.”
I hope you find the courage you need to make a difference in your own life. You need to make yourself secure, like me in the center seat hanging onto that shoulder belt like Jane clinging to that Vine. You can do it – because if nobody told you yet today, you’re as great and wonderful and perfect and as necessary to a whole lot of people for survival as that morning sunrise over the Arabian Gulf where Qatar meets Saudi Arabia. And I love you for it.
Slainte.
In Part 3, I’ll tell you about some good team-building activities hosted by my employer, the fact that I not-on-purpose achieved a worse bowling score than a 5th grader using bumpers (a really decent wager existed and I did not want to lose, but… I did) and a bit about the ways I continue to relax here in Doha, and the lessons I re-learned in Yoga and some new lessons arriving from Spin class.