Standing at the top of the world with my friend

What it felt like to stand on the top of the world with the man who reminded me I wanted to see it in the first place.

It’s Valentine’s Day, you didn’t think I forgot I had something to say, did you?

Well, I sure do have lots to say about it. But today, a letter.

To the man who reminded me there is a whole Globe to see, right now, instead of waiting, and I should get moving - and Geography class was something to have paid attention during,

Thank you.

Thank you for opening my eyes to real adventure and encouraging me and inspiring me to go. I’d have waited and gotten there eventually, but as you reminded me one August evening when we first met, for what exact thing am I waiting? “You know, you can use those personal days for personal reasons of being in another country,” you said, and after your talk of Sweden, I figured I would start there. Easy to navigate. Standard European cityscape. Boom. Booked. After I booked the trip, I realized how excited I was at getting away. It makes me think how hard I was trying to make a life where I was, geographically and mentally. I think if I didn’t try so hard to exist in that place I would not have done the things I had done, been where I was, and maybe I wouldn’t have taken a right turn and we wouldn’t have met. I have the courage to admit now to all of you that I was barely surviving there, making it work and yes, work well, but I was disgusted with nearly all of it. I had places where I felt I was not just treading water. But mostly I felt I was losing strength instead of gaining it. Square pegs do not fit into round holes. Only round ones do. Fizzy water goes flat eventually. The first time I felt any happiness was the night we met and talked, and the first slice of peace and a little bit of strength I found in myself again was on that train platform in Sweden. I would have gotten there eventually but as I know too well, we don’t have as many years in our lives as we think. Maybe I would never have had a chance to get anywhere and each day I am reminded that I know someone who didn’t get a chance. I had to go and the time was now. As I stood on that platform thinking of the possibilities of places to visit from that exact train station, the places I could see and touch and walk and breathe air, I was reminded that at 16 years old I had wanted to see it all. “Climb Mount Everest every day.” As the train pulled in, I knew right then that I wanted this life. It wasn’t too late to begin, it arrived at the right time, like that train. This was the life I always wanted - arriving at 5:25am on a cold Swedish morning. Exhilarating when you finally figure it out, isn’t it?

When I arrived at the destination, I saw you first, standing there in the midst of all the travelers passing through. You looked so confident, assured of your surroundings, strong, determined, and the most worldly thing I ever saw. I knew then that I was worldy too and I had to be in the world to keep finding that peace. The Globe would give me strength to heal and manage. I stood there for a moment on the platform watching you and thinking how lucky it was that I was here, we were here, and that our paths even crossed in the first place. Of the 9 billion or so people in the entire world, I met you. And you met me too. One left turn on a summer day instead of a right turn and we might not have ever connected. I am grateful that you met me where I was on the road and you walked with me. You understood where I was. Instead of leaving me behind, you traveled with me to the next exit. You kept me company on the way too, with your travel stories and knowledge of history. Inspiring me to get packing. And to humor me mostly, you listened to me ramble on and on. My words are many and none of them make sense but you made them make sense. With you as my friend, the globe makes sense. Words make sense. Food, history, culture - it all makes sense when shared with someone. You’re one of the few someones who get it. You get the same impressions of the world and when I talk to you, you understand things because you’ve stood there too.

Our friendship is meaningful to me. As I told you on the porch over a cup of tea on a very late August evening, I hope to know you forever, even if it means having a cup of coffee in Latvia with you, your wife, and kids, I want to know you forever. Whatever that looks like. And I mean it. So this week, as we stood on the top of the world and took it all in, I’m grateful. To stand and see across borders, to the horizon and beyond, to feel the wind from the mountain roads against my face and touch the earth, affirms that I believe in hope now more than ever. Our friendship will always be based on the restrictions of time. One more hour, 5 more minutes, just one more second. From the day we met I am reminded of the restrictions time places on our lives. When I said this out loud and you replied, “I know...” - I felt such peace. And with the restrictions of time, I am no longer waiting. For people, places, or ideas that are not for me. Our friendship is about this too - time, and what to do about it.

You shared a view from the top of the world with me more than once, and my being there too makes my heart lift and I again hope. I hope now more than ever, for what I’m not sure, but to know you and to know you on the globe is one hope. I’d rather this way than nothing at all. I don’t know what this looks like for sure, but I bet time, karma, and patience will sort it all out. Or since there’s always a New York resident around to buy fireworks, we can set them off and figure it out. Your poshy apartment balcony would serve as a good launching point for a Roman Candle. You reminded me one night that you are not my solution and yet I know I am my own solution. You are correct. It's me, not you. I will not find happiness with people, places, or things until I find it with myself first - and you were the only one who could tell me that so I understood directly how I am the only one who can put these pieces back together as I push the limits of my own sanity with creative adventures.

You’re pretty good at life too, you know? And this is the only one we’ve both got so we better make the best of it and get going. So iron your shirt so it's crisp, would ya? And organize those plants because it's one heck of a view from your apartment and they look frazzled all mish moshed like that on the floor. Wherever you go, you have to take yourself with you and I am with myself on this journey. Whether it’s here in The Gulf, a quiet church in Europe, or with the wind in my hair on the back of a motorbike, I am with me and my fizzy brain. I think it’s the best place to be too because now I trust myself first, before others. I’ve never been wrong and my track record for surviving shit experiences is 100%. I think yours is too. And, yes, it’s a good idea being right here right now, because at the top of the world, with you, the man who reminded me I wanted to see it in the first place, I found another piece of my own peace.

What's meant to be will always find a way and if that’s back to the top of that mountain or elsewhere then so be it. You’ve given me a life back that I forgot about desiring in the first place. As the CS Lewis cartoon with the balloon heart goes, you’ve given me my balloon back.

I know you and I look at the world from two different perspectives. One from choice and one from necessity, but that doesn’t change the fact that we see the world like nobody else does. When you see the world from any perspective, it changes how you think and how you connect with people you meet. Because I met you, I think of the other people I know now who I would never have met. The experiences I wouldn’t have had and the things I wouldn’t have learned. I’m better for it. I’m better for it all. I’m happier, stronger, and more peaceful. I wouldn’t change that for anything.

Now, I know the only time I want a fizzy brain is during shisha, with my feet propped up on a beanbag chair, at a hazy beach side, gazing into the sun, drinking a banana and date smoothie. No more overthinking. No more trying to figure it out. It’s figured out. It’s life. So until life tosses us together again, I look forward to the adventure stories we both collect on our own adventures, to share if we ever get to sit together over a coffee in some city somewhere on the globe again. And if not, that’s ok too, for the globe awaits us both and neither of us want to be late... the last bus runs at midnight. Thanks for the ride to the terminal. Sláinte.