The farther you travel the further you go, and sometimes that's away from people and ideas too.

Top of the first giant rock, and there's this little tree. Half dead branches, half blooming - remember the set of split trees outside Evergreen School? (blog post) Yeah, me too.

My January is full of memories of how life changes in an instant as a result of a choice. Call it a cause-effect situation. Some are good memories of needed change. Some are difficult memories of painful change. Some are memories of a change which happens no matter what you do about it. Memories of change in times to come. But change. It is a resolution month, many people make changes this month, and shout out to y'all making and keeping them, but honestly, change is tough. How do you subscribe to the "New Year, New Me" philosophy? I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that idea, and yet, it is the exact philosophy that got me here. My experiences in "dating in the modern world" would fill a book and sequel and rival some of Carrie Bradshaw's. I am grateful to those who are always around to hear the saga, laugh about it with me, and help me see how my experiences gave me an "Aiden". Gave me my version of "Mr. Big". But they have given me my own version of a "happily ever after". Because being happy is what life is about, isn't it? Or is it? Scranton, it was good to see you over the holiday. It was good to walk your streets, see your people, sit with you... all the things friends do when they visit. You amuse me, Scranton. You always will.

While I was home for the holidays in Scranton, and comically enough, one place I realized this was on the porch (which is icy... ask my tenant, he will vouch for this), I realized I had to get stood up by your men. Again. And again. Scrantonia, you had to keep breaking my heart. It had to keep happening to push me to the breaking point with some "New Year, New Me" concepts.

Again and again, Scrantonia would let me down in the dating front. Not even when it was my idea to go out, I'd be only half interested anyway, "girl's gotta eat tho", settling for a concept of a relationship, and that idea was truly not working out for me, and the inviting dude wouldn't show. If anyone has expertise in being ghosted after a no-show experience, it's me. (Is it ghosting if the receiver is only half interested in the giver anyway? Asking for a friend...) Yet as my new beautiful friend Miss Haskins says, "Miss Casey, you're always getting yourself out there and that's just simply good and gutsy", as my new beautiful friend Rami says, "what is it with you anyways? It's like you say you gonna go out and I can set my timers cause I know you gonna call me and say, Rami, why men suck is... we should date each other, because I can't find any interesting women to talk to and you know I'll show up..." and my beautiful sister says, "stop liking boys." She is right. I have to like men. 🤣 (no-shows in Qatar have been rare, I'm on #3, but the stories of the men I have met here would fill their own novels too). So, when it happened in 2018 on the first Friday of January, which is a particularly important Friday because for the last 11 years (no lie) I always wind up with a really good epiphany on that day, (I actually look forward to this day!) but on 6 Jan 2018 I was (again) stood up - so instead of lamenting, I stood up for myself that night. I realized I might actually sit in that same spot forever waiting for a life that wasn't going to be mine, for a life that wasn't going to make me happy, and I decided to do something about it.

While I had a few drinks all alone in my favorite cozy corner, because

Mr. NewYearNewMeIWillShowUpThisTimeIPromise did indeed NOT show up, big shocker there, I wrote myself a note in my phone so it was always with me. About some really big things for the next year 2019, the following year, and some years forward. I decided to truly be happy by changing my focus toward the things I have and (quit watering dead plants) quit forcing myself into or onto or among any concept (person, place, thing, idea) that isn't meant to be mine. No more settling for a life that isn't going to be mine. What are these concepts? That is the question. That's life, isn't it? "Not a show meant to be watched casually with a pizza having a chat" (thanks for the quote, Hashem!) but really explored and studied. Revisited and revised. This is the part of that note I will share with you, there's a bit more to it, but I can't tell you everything now or you won't buy my books. Hahah! "I will release what is not mine to have and I will bind to what I have been given. I might not know exactly where I am to be going but I know exactly where I have been and where I am right now. With God's Grace I am at peace with perpetual change. I am not afraid, but I will recognize and acknowledge when I feel a challenge." Anyway, cut to the chase, no worries, and would you believe that particular dude still leaves me messages via instagram about things and life, and he leaves me searching for the exact correct adjective to describe him - verbose as I am... The story of that night works out because one year ago, writing that note, realizing I was going to wait in the same place for one concept that was never going to arrive, I spent the next week taking a seriously good look around, an internal inspection and careful examination with a fine tooth comb if you will, of each inch of my entire life - my house, my finances, my life, my job, how much I love being with my family... and how nearly everyone I meet tells me I'm so different from anyone else they've ever met.

I don't believe in the "New Year, New Me" philosophy. I believe in the "You have to be somewhere you wouldn't normally be to find something you wouldn't normally find" philosophy... so I set off to do something about something with a new perspective because anyone who has walked down the side of a building for charity will tell you a bit about perspective. (It me.) I did some really serious research about Latvia, Poland, The Emirates, China, Qatar, Kuwait, and Slovenia, and I did a Haskins named "good and gutsy" thing, I got my resume out there. I had no idea where I would land, or what the experience would be, but with that open of a mind, anything good was bound to happen. But I knew why I was doing it. A little faith in God's work, a little love for myself and my dreams, and a whole lot of hope, because I believe hope is the most important... neither Faith or Love are worth it without Hope. (The Bible will be the official correct answer on Love being the greatest of these, but hey, with no disrespect, to each their own viewpoint on Love. Ha!) It went exactly like this, in the following week I finished a detailed CV portfolio online, I hit submit on the application at 4:45pm on the Friday of Martin Luther King, Jr weekend, the anniversary day of my first actual named "Date" with James Riley (who showed up, and by the way, he was on time. Those who know him will know how big of a deal that was. That night 5pm was 5pm... not Riley Time 5pm which would have been 7:30pm for the rest of us by the way.) I said a little prayer hoping to sit somewhere exactly like this a year from that date, with something exactly as exciting as this, doing something exactly like the things I'll get to do today... on an adventure, in Love with some city full of Hope and Faith. I turned off my computer, pressed the uber button, went to a benefit, and a little after 6pm my phone was ringing with a number from Vancouver - because the company I just applied to for a music teaching position had some positive feedback on my CV and already had a phone interview request. My head was spinning. A bit euphoric to know that somewhere someone was asking me to show up for them, for a completely different reality, one worthy of my efforts and talent. Someone was asking me to believe once more in the incredibly powerful thing of being somewhere to find something. It was like the universe said, "Hey Stupid, I got you this thing... we've been waiting for you to finish Adventuring in Scranton. Come, join us." Just like my last weekend in Qatar when I stood on top of these giant, wind-carved, limestone structures, feeling the breeze come from all directions, propping me up. Looking for miles in all directions and not seeing a thing. The magnificence of standing in one spot, realizing how big Earth is, and how much of it there is to see. Finding another piece of myself in the dust of the desert. Wanting to tell Cecilia and Annabel about the feel of the sand here compared to other places. The smell of the wind. The taste of the heat. A completely different reality from Winter in the City of Scranton, where you can lose yourself in a fine blowing snow.

I scaled the first really big, Star Wars looking rock in the Zekreet area almost immediately after getting out of the 4x4. I have stalked the second, mushroom shaped one in travel magazines, photos, and Atlas Obscura websites. The views from the top of each of these were incredible and a view I could only have found by coming to peace with the way life goes. I stood facing east with the wind pushing me in all directions. I placed my hands in the clear water at the western shore of Qatar and looked back toward Scranton. When I realized it was so similar to the soul finding experience I had climbing rock formations in Athens and on Rhodes and Lindos in Greece, and my experience with Arthur's Seat in Scotland, I decided to seek a little bit more about this "Global Hiking" idea. I made a another really beautiful friend that day and met some truly fabulous souls. For as verbose as I am, I really can't come up with solid a way in English to describe the desert trip for you. Euphoric? Astounding? Inconceivable (hahaha)... Whimsical? Phantasmagorical? "Real Life Doha or Stock Photo"?

The best way I can try to explain it is the Arabic word Mashallah, which I am learning is the Arabic way for an abundance of "WOW!" but translated more calmly "as God willed", used to express appreciation, joy, praise, or thankfulness for an event or person that was just mentioned. (Wikipedia).

Heres the lyrics to Emerson Hart, Friend to A Stranger,

So, from a Friend to a Stranger, how's your life in your current situation.

I wish you happiness and I wish you freedom and I wish you life when you reach your destination.

This week, I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked at the photos I've collected of life over these last 10 years, and I almost don't recognize myself from 10 years ago, but I see a change in me. I would reach back to that younger girl, hold her tightly, give her a hug, tell her to be prepared, and have $40 for cab fare in Venice due to a mass transit strike, tell her to just keep breathing. And to be happy. Whatever that means. Forcing happiness is wrong and makes it worse.

And tell her that she is brave... she is amazing, she is beautiful, she is incredible, she is awesome, and when she gets to Qatar and the giant rocks, the reef by the ocean front, and the desert city minaret.... she'll finally stand on her own and see it too. But that is the concept here, isnt it? Life... how we choose to see it when it plays out no matter what we do about it... how it explored and studied, revisited and revised, just lived.

I've learned many lessons in my 5 months here in Qatar, not going to Festival City Mall on a Friday afternoon is one of them, how to navigate a Sandstorm with some new friends at a rooftop party event is another, but mostly the lesson I learned is what I really am capable of doing, being, becoming... and for what I will and will not tolerate, be it standing down or be it standing up. I'm standing up for me.

Tell me, what have you decided to stand up for this year? What song lyrics challenge you to look at your life? How do they help you make the change or see the your change?

Sláinte.

Manchester to Doha! Landing in Doha. really excited to be back for New Year's Eve !

Oh, Hey. It's Film City. Hahahah!

It me. I'm here. There's Me. HA! First Rock.

Second rock, the mushroom shaped one - the one I have stalked on journals and blogs... but this is MY photo. I took this because I was standing RIGHT THERE to take it. Me. I'm here. I cried after. (don't judge, it was really moving)... but it does look like a little ship stranded on top of the rock, or a little look out cabin. I was unable to climb to the circular building on top, I believe you're not allowed up there as no other travelers tried to scale it that day, but I did make it to just below there.

Another traveller from the excursion - to show perspective on this whole trip... Mashallah.