You can stand on your head and you still won't be good enough for some people - or - why I stand

Update! Update!

It has been a whirlwind in the month since I've been done with Job A. Much has happened around The Estate with rental leases and paperwork, furniture moving, and some quick sell things on the marketplace. Cleaning, packing, sorting, organizing, post-it notes, tags and tabs, sharpie markers, pencil marks with erasers. Boxes and boxes and boxes. Need now, need later, maybe never need again, donate. The DMV, the bank, Comcast, Ottawa Canada, and Cape May.

I feel that yesterday was the first time since I've been to Cape May that I've sat down for a meal without having to think about anything. It was disorienting to not think about anything. It was disorienting to just sit and enjoy the breeze over a quick chat. Apologies to my lunch companions, I didn't know what to say. My mind was blank. Thanks for just letting me sit there and exist.

In March I made a departure checklist based on the timeline sent from my new teaching assignment, now called Job B, and it's nearly finished. Just a few things around the main living area of the house, a phone call or two, a quick coat of paint here and there, a few more boxes to pack, and then it's done. Really, honestly done.

This upcoming week will be busy with one final push of items for The Estate and then it's focused on packing. Which is where I'm stuck.

To be honest, I'm stuck in a few places - packing for Doha is just one of them.

Canada was fabulous though. I highly recommend a quick trip to Ottawa. Easy drive, approximately 5:30 from Scranton. I went with the greatest travel companions, my parents, and we stayed across the river from Ottawa, in Hull, right on Lac-Leamy. About 18 years ago, I was in Grad School in Potsdam, and I went to Hull for the International Fireworks Show (now held in Montreal). One thing I absolutely love is a fireworks show. It was a one evening deal though, driving up and back between classes. I always said I wanted to go back and see the city. It's never too late to adventure.

Sunday was a late arrival, and my mom and I swam in the hotel pool overlooking the lake. It was relaxing to float and chat with her about all sorts of things. She's quite inspirational and a good mentor. We had a crazy sandwich dinner at the hotel before hitting the sack early. Monday we had breakfast at the famous Dunn's and since it was so ridiculously hot (heat advisory? Canada? who knew!), we skipped the open air bus tour and plugged a bunch of sites we wanted to see into "The Google Maps" and drove. I told my parents they owe me 47CAN$ times three since we didn't take the tour, but they laughed... aaaand then we just kept driving. Churches, Embassy buildings (they are some really unique buildings - the US Embassy looks like an Aircraft Carrier!), a military cemetery, construction traffic, parks, Parliament Hill, and the Supreme Court - where I had a chance to meet a Royal Canadian Guard who said it wasn't a good idea to stop too long for selfies with a statue there. (but it was a statue of justice - which is like karma - and she was just rocking it).

We saw the Byward Market which was good for a drive-by visit. It reminded me of Faneuil Hall and Reading Terminal combined into one. The parking meters were really interesting, and considering the conversion rate between the USD$ and CAN$, you get about 5 minutes for a quarter and that was just a bit silly. (like parking in Scrantonia, really). Tuesday we dropped my mom off there for shopping and my dad and I walked 2 miles to take the tour of the Supreme Court. I was really just hoping to run into that policeman again, but I digress. I make a big deal of the 2 miles because I'm really proud of my dad for wanting to walk instead of drive. We got to see the workings of the boats and gates of the Rideau Canal in person, which is something you don't see while driving. The 30 minute court tour showcased the symmetry of the building over the functionality of some furniture. We saw the actual courtroom used for hearings and learned there is an age limit for the Canadian Supreme Justices. There is a 5-4 male-female ratio which seems to be a tradition - when a woman retires, she is replaced by female, etc. The first female Chief Justice just retired in December. She was replaced by someone already on the panel. Their system of replacement for the open place on the panel is by application and then by recommendation from a committee. There is little third-party involvement. No senate hearings into why you sent that text one night in college at 3:47am. Very judicial-like-typey. The way government should be, I think.

We found a bagel place in the best ethnic area of town you would think of to find a bagel place. I also took my parents to The Happy Goat Coffee Company and I think they now understand my obsession with sitting in coffeehouses and chatting. They went back for seconds on a cookie and another drink. (We had figured out how the parking meter system works and we had coins to spend.)

We also toured the Notre Dame Cathedral Basilica in Ottawa and went to mass at noon (in English). It is on the Irish-French side of town, so the stained glass windows have both Irish and French names in the dedication panels. The back window of the church has a stained glass of St. Patrick. The pipe organ was being adjusted and cleaned and I saw some of the 600 pipes they are sending back to the original factory who sent them over for installation in the late 1800's (they have a bigger shoppe now, the tour guide said). The entire cathedral is made of wood. All the pillars, statues, and carvings are wood. Beautiful. You'd never know it wasn't real marble. There are only two pieces of real marble in the whole cathedral - the altars. The carver then went on to do work at Parliament Hill. The basilica is home to the blood and bones of Aemilius, who is known to be an early martyr. They were given to the cathedral as a gift. The main altar of the church is surrounded by wooden statues of as many biblical men as you could think of - but their names are in French - so it's a bit tricky to figure out who is who. They begin with Adam and Abel at the front and criss cross back and forth in order of appearance in the Bible stories with a part of their carving from their story. (Jonah is standing with his right foot on the head of a smiling whale.) The area by the tabernacle has Apostles and above the tabernacle there are representatives of the 9 different types of Angels (learned something new) - but my favorite was the Guardian Angel - standing quietly, behind a young girl, hands on her shoulders.

Then in one quick breath, I missed Himself -- and Herself too. Even more so than before. Good thing I packed a tissue. I could feel him standing next to me like he did that one fun day in a church, in July, years ago. It was all so overwhelmingly Catholic a moment. I felt so very blessed to have known them both - and know they are counted among my angels, and know they are both helping me move forward with our journey, only now that the boxes are packed, it's not ours anymore. It's mine. Alone now. I'm walking and they're here. My journey forward.

So, Canada, go see it, eh?

And Cape May - well, what happens on a sister's weekend in Cape May makes for sister's only jokes, year after year. Just do me a favor and check the temperature of the fridge before you put in the fresh mint for mojitos, get the umbrella and chairs, and pack your own lunch and bring it to the beach... because you can both theoretically move mountains but you can't take sand to the beach.

I sort of forget where I was going with the intro of standing on my own two feet - but I do remember thinking this past week (more than once) how standing on your head is for goofs and clowns. You can continue to try and be something for someone and even standing on your head for them may never be enough for them to like you. You'll always be a goof or a clown, but they won't like you unless they're going to like you and you can't change that, even on your head. You will be to people who they wish you to be for them - but you will always be to yourself who you wish to be for yourself.

So be the best version of you, for you. Take what you've learned from standing on your head for someone or some idea or something and stand back up straight. You'll be surprised at how that knowledge looks right-side-up.

Thanks for helping me get unstuck today.

Slainte.