One day, it will get better. It will.
Hey there!
Thanks for the well wishes on my new adventure! My folder of official documents needing officiation was received in Washington, DC and now it's back to the waiting process. Until then, there's life to be living, and I'm determined to find where it is happening now.
I ran a 5k on St. Patrick's Day in Ocean City, MD with my brother and a few of his friends and if there was ever a case for finding any type of happiness again inside this day, it was fully presented by spending the weekend with a six-foot-five guy in a skin tight green morphing body suit and a 2 foot green hat (making him nearly 9 feet tall and the most out-standing individual in all of OCMD) who also ran the 5K. He switched on the "St. Patty's Day Channel" on SiriusXM Friday night and began singing every word until we returned home Sunday afternoon. It was as if the fog had lifted from my brain and I found some giggles, even without those Irish Eyes smiling at me again. It was good to laugh again.
Shout out to my brother who has always been by my side to encourage me to be happy, who has encouraged me to figure it out, and who has never given up believing in me. Shout out to that guy in the green suit (and his ladyfriend) for the much needed giggles and their friendship on an emotional weekend. Shout out to the other guy who hangs with my brother for his deadpan delivery of every timed punchline. I'm having to shout because the really talented blues band at the place we had dinner on Friday was so loud we couldn't hear ourselves think. Ugh.
It was refreshing to be by the dark blue waterfront along the boardwalk. The brilliant sun on the water perked up my soul, and as the daylight increases and the sun continues to warm the chilly thoughts in my fizzy brain, I couldn't believe that
a) I was actually able to run a 5K in under 40 minutes (39:55)
b) I will actually be living in an area where I can run by the waterfront anytime I wish, and
c) starting with one dream means you're thinking about your life and you're starting. Whether it works out or it doesn't, at least you're thinking about life. If it works, it presents you with another dream. If it doesn't, it also presents you with another dream and a different pathway to get there.
I have braced myself each year for handling St. Patrick's Day - between the kilts, the craic, and the music, it gets harder and harder to remember Himself is really not here. Pretend all I would like, Himself is still gone. I will always feel lucky to have known him. If you knew us, Himself and I had such a grand time. In a short time, he taught me quite a bit about this world. I just miss him so... and I know many of you do too.
I remember standing in the cemetery and thinking, "One day, it will be 5 years. Five full years without him. Even though Himself is on his own journey now, there will be messages from Him. It will be ok. You got this. Keep breathing."
So my advice (take it or leave it, but at this point, you've read the whole thing, keep going now) is that life will fit you with the pieces you need when you need them. Get the dust off your life shoes and get out there. Find the time to reflect, reorganize, and energize. You know what you need to do to make your dream work, what you need to keep going for you. For me, it was the run, the beach, and some new St. Patrick's Day laughs.
It will be ok. You got this. Keep breathing. I believe in you.
Ya did good, kid.
Life awaits.
Meep, meep.... come on.
Slainte.